The other day, I found myself in a conversation with a dad who, like many of us, was navigating that delicate balance between keeping his child safe and encouraging independence. His nearly two-year-old son was happily bouncing around a soft play area, climbing, jumping, and running with the boundless energy that only toddlers seem to have.
It was a scene that I’m sure most parents can relate to: our little ones exploring the world with no sense of danger, just pure joy. But as his son wobbled a little on the soft play equipment, the dad’s automatic reaction was to call out, “Be careful!”
His words weren’t out of place. We’ve all been there. We see our kids do something that looks just a bit too risky, and our instinct kicks in to protect them from the possibility of getting hurt. The dad admitted that he immediately moved to hold his son’s hand, guiding him along the equipment to make sure he didn’t fall.
But as we talked more about it, we started to reflect on what this kind of interaction might be teaching his son. Was it really necessary for him to say “be careful” in that moment? The soft play area was designed to be safe for exactly this kind of toddler exploration, and the chances of his son getting seriously hurt were slim. So why did the dad feel the need to intervene?
It turns out that his response came from a deep-rooted place of worry. As dads, we often feel that it’s our job to keep our kids safe from harm, both physically and emotionally. But sometimes, in doing so, we might be unintentionally sending the message that the world is a dangerous place and that they should approach it with caution and fear. This dad recognised that in himself. He reflected, “I’m a bit of a wuss, really.” It wasn’t said with any malice—just an honest recognition of how his own caution was influencing the way he parented.
But here’s the key: he didn’t want his son to grow up with that same sense of fear. He wanted his son to be brave, to explore, and to feel confident taking on new challenges. And that’s when we really got into the heart of the conversation: how can we, as dads, encourage our kids to be brave without putting them in harm’s way? How can we allow them to experience the world, take risks, and learn from their mistakes, without constantly feeling the need to intervene?
The Power of Words: Why "Be Careful" Sends the Wrong Message
One of the most powerful ways we influence our children is through the words we use. When we tell our kids to “be careful,” what we’re really doing is projecting our own fears onto them. It’s a natural instinct, of course. We want to protect them from getting hurt. But the truth is, most of the time, the risks they’re taking aren’t as dangerous as they might seem.
Take the example of the soft play area. For an adult, seeing a toddler wobble on the edge of something can feel like a potential disaster waiting to happen. But for the child, it’s just part of the fun. They’re learning to balance, to test their limits, and to understand their own physical abilities. By constantly telling them to be careful, we’re interrupting that process. We’re teaching them that they should fear the very thing that’s helping them grow.
Research has shown that children who are allowed to take small, manageable risks tend to be more confident and resilient as they grow older. According to a study by Sandseter and Kennair (2011), children who engage in risky play—climbing, jumping from heights, or balancing—develop better risk assessment skills, are more physically capable, and have fewer fears later in life. When we step in and prevent them from taking these risks, we’re not just keeping them physically safe in the moment, we might be stunting their emotional and mental growth in the long run.
The Broader Benefits of Risky Play
Sandseter and Kennair’s research goes beyond just physical development and fear reduction. They found that risky play serves a deeper purpose in a child’s overall well-being. It contributes to emotional regulation by providing children with experiences that help them manage feelings of excitement, fear, and even frustration. When kids are exposed to riskier situations—like climbing higher than they’ve ever climbed before—they learn to cope with the natural anxiety that comes with trying something new. Over time, these experiences teach them how to regulate their emotions in everyday life.
When a child is climbing a tall tree or jumping off playground equipment, they’re not just having fun. They’re also learning to deal with the feelings that come with these activities, such as the thrill of being high up or the nervousness of preparing to jump. Managing these emotions helps them learn how to handle other anxiety-inducing situations, like starting school, making new friends, or facing challenges later in life.
Encouraging Creativity and Problem-Solving
Another significant benefit of risky play is that it promotes creativity and problem-solving. When children are allowed to navigate unstructured, risk-involving environments, they often need to think on their feet, make decisions, and figure out how to tackle physical challenges. For example, a child trying to climb a tree might have to decide the best way to reach the next branch or determine if it's safe to balance on a particular spot.
These types of situations give kids the opportunity to develop their critical thinking and creativity. In a world where so many of their activities are structured, from school to sports, risky play is one of the few areas where they can truly experiment, take ownership of their decisions, and learn from the outcomes. It’s this kind of exploration that fosters problem-solving skills, which they’ll carry with them well beyond childhood.
When we think about creativity, we often focus on art, writing, or music. But in reality, creativity in the context of play is all about finding solutions in unpredictable situations. Risky play encourages kids to adapt quickly, invent new strategies, and explore their own resourcefulness.
Social Development and Empathy
Risky play doesn’t just help kids develop individually; it also boosts their social skills. When children engage in riskier activities together, they naturally learn how to cooperate, negotiate, and take turns. Whether it’s figuring out who gets to go next on the swing or helping a friend climb over a challenging obstacle, these moments of interaction help them practice important social skills.
Even more importantly, risky play fosters empathy. Children engaged in these types of activities often become more attuned to how others are feeling. If one child looks nervous about climbing up high, another might offer reassurance or assistance. This increased awareness of others' emotions and needs can translate into stronger friendships and better relationships in the long term.
According to Sandseter and Kennair, children who engage in this kind of play regularly also demonstrate a higher capacity for understanding boundaries. When children are allowed to explore their physical limits, they start to understand their own capabilities and those of others. They learn when it's appropriate to push forward and when it’s time to step back, both for their own safety and the safety of their friends. This naturally fosters a sense of responsibility towards others, which can contribute to their emotional maturity and social intelligence.
Building Independence and Self-Esteem
One of the most rewarding outcomes of risky play is that it builds independence and self-esteem. When a child climbs that tree or balances on a high log without falling, they experience a sense of accomplishment. This is a powerful feeling for a young child—they’ve just conquered a challenge on their own, and that gives them a sense of agency and self-reliance.
As parents, it’s easy to want to jump in and offer help, especially when our children seem to be struggling with something difficult. But by allowing them to figure things out for themselves, we give them the opportunity to build their confidence. Small victories, like managing to climb higher than before or jumping farther than they thought possible, accumulate over time. These experiences foster a strong sense of self-worth and independence.
When children are consistently allowed to engage in risky play, they begin to trust their own abilities. They come to see themselves as capable, resilient, and resourceful—qualities that will serve them well throughout their lives. This sense of confidence in their physical abilities can spill over into other areas of life, helping them feel more capable in school, social settings, and eventually, in their careers.
Reframing the "Be Careful" Mentality
So, what can we do instead of constantly telling our kids to “be careful”? How can we, as dads, help our children develop the bravery we want them to have while still keeping them safe?
Ask Thoughtful Questions
Rather than defaulting to “be careful,” try asking questions that encourage your child to assess the situation themselves. For example, if your child is about to climb something that looks a bit risky, you might say, “What’s your plan for getting down from there?” or “Do you feel steady on your feet?”
These types of questions help them think critically about their actions and promote self-awareness. Instead of you dictating what’s safe or risky, you’re guiding them to make their own assessments, giving them ownership of the experience. This also builds problem-solving and decision-making skills, as they learn to navigate their surroundings with confidence.
Focus on the Positive
Often, when we see our kids doing something we perceive as dangerous, our first reaction is to stop them. But what if we focused on praising their efforts instead? For instance, if your child is climbing up a play structure, you could say, “Wow, look how strong you are!” or “You’re doing a great job balancing!” These statements reinforce their courage and effort, shifting the focus away from fear and toward encouragement.
By focusing on the positive, you’re teaching your child that it’s okay to take risks and that the effort they put in is what matters most, not just the outcome. This approach helps them build a growth mindset, where challenges are seen as opportunities to learn rather than situations to fear.
Let Them Fail (A Little)
Failure is an essential part of learning. As much as we want to protect our kids from every bump and bruise, we have to remember that it’s through these experiences that they learn how to cope with setbacks. If your child is running around and trips, instead of rushing over in a panic, try waiting a moment. Give them time to see if they get up on their own. Often, they’ll bounce back more quickly than we expect.
When they do get back up, they’re learning a valuable lesson: falling isn’t the end of the world—it’s just part of the process. Letting your child experience small failures helps them develop resilience and teaches them that they can recover from mistakes.
The Fine Line Between Protecting and Overprotecting
Of course, there’s a balance to be struck. We’re not suggesting that you should let your child run wild in genuinely dangerous situations. There’s a time and place for intervention, especially when real harm could occur. However, those situations are often fewer and farther between than we might think.
It’s important to ask ourselves, is the risk my child is taking truly dangerous, or is it just part of normal exploration? If it’s the latter, then perhaps the best thing we can do is step back and let them figure it out.
This doesn’t mean you have to sit on the sidelines and say nothing. Being present and aware of what your child is doing is crucial. Instead of intervening, you can offer subtle guidance. Phrases like, “Do you feel ready to jump from that height?” or “What will you do if you start to feel unsteady?” put the decision-making back in their hands, helping them build confidence and self-reliance.
Modelling Bravery as Dads
It’s also worth reflecting on how we model bravery for our kids. As the dad in the story admitted, he recognised that he wasn’t always the most fearless person. But that self-awareness is powerful. Our kids look to us for cues on how to navigate the world. If we approach new experiences with hesitation and fear, they’re likely to do the same. However, if we can show them that it’s okay to try new things, even if we’re a little nervous, they’ll learn to embrace challenges with a similar mindset.
Think about the times you’ve been in a new situation—maybe it was learning a new skill, taking on a physical challenge, or even something as simple as trying a new food. When we face those situations with courage, even if we’re not 100% confident, we show our kids that bravery isn’t about being fearless—it’s about moving forward despite the fear.
By sharing our experiences with our children—like overcoming our own fears or tackling new challenges—we can inspire them to do the same. This type of open communication can build trust and foster an environment where they feel comfortable discussing their own fears and aspirations.
Fostering a Growth Mindset in Your Child
At the heart of this discussion is the idea of fostering a growth mindset. A growth mindset, a concept coined by psychologist Carol Dweck, is the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort, learning, and perseverance. When we allow our children to take risks, make mistakes, and learn from them, we’re teaching them that challenges are opportunities for growth.
Encouraging bravery isn’t about pushing your child into dangerous situations or forcing them to do things they’re not comfortable with. It’s about creating an environment where they feel safe to explore their limits, knowing that it’s okay to fail, as long as they keep trying.
To nurture this mindset, regularly engage your child in conversations about their efforts and learning experiences. Celebrate their attempts, even if they don’t result in success. By emphasising the value of persistence and effort, you help your child build resilience and a love for learning that will serve them throughout their lives.
Final Thoughts
As dads, we have an incredible responsibility to shape how our children see the world. Do we want them to view it as a place full of danger and things to be feared, or do we want them to see it as an exciting adventure, full of opportunities to grow and learn?
The next time you feel that instinct to say “be careful,” pause for a moment. Reflect on whether the situation truly warrants intervention, or if it’s a chance for your child to learn something valuable. By allowing them to take small risks, we’re giving them the gift of confidence, independence, and resilience—qualities that will serve them well for the rest of their lives.
Let’s also remember that fostering bravery in our children is a journey. It involves patience, reflection, and a commitment to our own growth as fathers. We are not only helping our kids navigate their world; we are also learning how to support them in a way that prepares them for the future.
In encouraging our kids to be brave, we’re creating a generation of resilient individuals who can face challenges head-on and pursue their passions with confidence. So, let’s encourage our kids to be brave, to take on the world with a sense of wonder and curiosity. And in doing so, we might just find that we’re a little braver ourselves.
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