
None of us know what we’re doing, especially when it comes to fatherhood. You’re not born with the "Dad Manual" in hand, and that’s the beauty of it – the unknown forces you to act, to figure things out as you go along. Too often, we dads put ourselves under pressure to have all the answers, to be the perfect role model, to embody some idealised version of fatherhood we’ve built up in our heads. But here’s a truth that might set you free: no one’s got it all figured out, and you don’t need to either. What matters isn’t having the perfect plan – it’s taking action and showing up, consistently, for your children.
Fatherhood is one of those roles where learning happens on the job, and the job changes constantly. Your kids grow, their needs shift, and just when you think you’ve nailed one aspect of being a dad, you’re thrown into the deep end of something entirely new. But here’s the thing: that’s how it’s supposed to be. You’re not failing because you don’t know it all; you’re just in the process of figuring it out. The real growth happens in the midst of that uncertainty – the times when you’re winging it, making decisions, and adjusting course as you go.
In all honesty, this is something I’ve had to learn over the years, both as a father and as someone who’s worked with countless dads. And I’ve made plenty of mistakes. I’ve lost my temper, been distracted, and let the pressures of life interfere with my ability to be fully present. But one thing I’ve learned along the way is this: you don’t have to get everything right. What really matters is that you keep trying. Every time you reflect on your actions, learn from your mistakes, and strive to do better, you’re showing up for your kids in the way that counts.
That’s why I’m writing a book called Be a Super Dad: Reflective Advice for Fatherhood. It’s a collection of the knowledge, training, and insights I’ve gained over the years, along with the lessons learned from my own mistakes. The goal is simple: to help dads be more present, more engaged, and more reflective, so they can build the kind of relationships their kids need. And here’s the thing – you don’t have to make the same mistakes I did. I’ve made plenty of them, and through this book, I want to give you the shortcuts. I want to offer you the benefit of what I’ve learned so you can avoid the pitfalls I fell into.
It’s easy to think you should know what to do all the time. Society often tells us that fathers need to be stoic, all-knowing figures who don’t make mistakes. But here’s the truth: no one is expecting you to be perfect, not even your kids. What they need is for you to be there, present and willing to learn as you go. The missteps are part of the journey. In fact, that’s where the growth happens – in those messy, confusing, sometimes frustrating moments when you’re figuring it out as you go along. Fatherhood isn’t about perfection; it’s about presence.
But there’s a catch: it’s not enough just to go through the motions. To be the dad your kids deserve, you’ve got to reflect on your impact. It’s easy to rush through life, making decisions without thinking too deeply about how they affect the people around you. But when you take a step back and look at how your actions shape your children’s world, that’s when you start to level up as a father. Reflecting on the times you’ve done well and the times you could’ve done better isn’t about guilt or regret – it’s about growth. It’s about being honest with yourself and asking, “How can I be more present? How can I show up better next time?”
This reflection is where the real progress happens. It’s the difference between being a passive father and an engaged one. When you take the time to think about your impact, you become more attuned to your child’s needs and feelings. You start to see fatherhood not just as something you do, but as something you live – an ongoing, ever-evolving relationship that requires attention and care. It’s not always comfortable to look back on the times you lost your temper or missed an opportunity to connect, but that discomfort is where growth begins.
Here’s an example: Think about a time when you were in the middle of something important – maybe a work project, or perhaps you were just trying to decompress after a long day – and your child came to you needing something. Maybe they wanted help with homework, or just to tell you about their day. In that moment, it’s easy to feel frustrated. Your mind’s elsewhere, and their request feels like an interruption. Maybe you brushed them off, or maybe you snapped. We’ve all been there.
Now, while it might seem like a small moment to you, to your child it can feel huge. Children are incredibly perceptive, but they don’t always understand the complexities of adult life. They don’t know you’re stressed about work or worn out from a tough day. All they see is that their dad, the person they look up to and rely on, is upset or distant. In their minds, they might start wondering: Did I do something wrong? Is it my fault that Daddy’s angry? Does he still love me? It’s these questions that can shape how your child feels about themselves and their relationship with you.
As a father, reflecting on these moments allows you to realise the impact your reactions can have on your child’s emotional world. It’s not that you’re expected to always get it right – no one does – but understanding that your actions might leave your child feeling confused or hurt can push you to approach those moments differently next time. When you take the time to consider how your child feels, it changes the way you respond. Instead of reacting out of frustration, you pause and think, What do they need from me right now? How can I help them feel seen and heard?
Many dads today find themselves lost, navigating new territory without the guidance they need. The evolving role of fatherhood has brought about expectations to balance breadwinning with caregiving, yet most dads lack the role models to show them how. At the same time, they often feel invisible in healthcare and perinatal services, treated as secondary to their partners and left out of key moments. This isolation, coupled with unrealistic expectations and inadequate emotional support, leaves many fathers struggling to connect or express their own vulnerabilities. Add to that the pressure of work-life balance, and it’s no wonder so many dads feel overwhelmed. But here’s the thing: you don’t have to figure it all out on your own. The guidance and support you need is within reach, and by reflecting on your impact and taking action, you can become the father your child deserves.
One of the biggest lessonsI’ve learned is that fatherhood is a journey filled with trial and error, and that’s okay. There’s no such thing as a perfect father, just like there’s no such thing as a perfect person. What truly matters is how you handle those mistakes when they happen. We all lose our temper, we all get distracted, and we all let the pressures of life interfere with our ability to be fully present for our kids. But the key is in what you do next – in how you repair the relationship and make things right.
And let’s be honest: I’ve made plenty of mistakes myself. I’ve lost my temper, I’ve been distracted, and I’ve let the stresses of daily life get in the way of being the dad I want to be. But I’ve also learned something incredibly valuable over the years – the importance of saying sorry and acknowledging where I’ve gone wrong. That’s what helps repair the relationship and teaches my kids that it’s okay to make mistakes, as long as you’re willing to take responsibility for them and make things right.
Here’s the key: when you apologise, do it without using any buts. No excuses like, “I’m sorry I yelled, but I had a hard day,” or “I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention, but you know I’ve been stressed lately.” That “but” cancels out the apology. What your child hears is that your feelings are more important than theirs. Instead, just own the mistake. Say something like, “I’m sorry I snapped at you earlier. That wasn’t fair, and I’ll try to do better.” Simple, genuine, and focused on them, not you.
When you acknowledge your mistake openly, it teaches your child something incredibly valuable: it’s okay to make mistakes, and it’s even more important to make things right. It models the kind of behaviour you want them to adopt. They see that no one’s perfect, and they don’t have to be either, but they do have to take responsibility for their actions. That’s how trust is built, not by pretending everything is fine, but by recognising when it isn’t and working to fix it.
Taking the time to repair the relationship also reassures your child that your love for them is constant, even when things get tough. When you apologise and show that you’re willing to change, you’re telling them that they matter – that their feelings are important. You’re reinforcing the idea that even when you make mistakes, your love for them doesn’t waver. This is crucial for their emotional development and their sense of self-worth. They start to learn that it’s not about being perfect; it’s about being present, being accountable, and always coming back to love.
Fatherhood isn’t about nailing it every time. It’s about showing up, making mistakes, and being willing to reflect and grow from those experiences. It’s about realising that in those moments when you lose your temper or miss an opportunity to connect, there’s always a chance to make things right. It’s a journey, not a destination. Every misstep is an opportunity to become a better dad, not by knowing all the answers, but by being willing to admit when you don’t.
There’s immense power in showing vulnerability as a dad. You don’t have to pretend to have it all together. Admitting when you’ve messed up or when you’re unsure about something teaches your kids one of the most important lessons they’ll ever learn: it’s okay not to be perfect. When you own your mistakes, you’re modelling how to handle failure, how to learn from it, and how to grow. Your kids don’t need a superhero; they need a real, imperfect dad who’s willing to keep trying. That authenticity creates a deeper bond, and it shows them that they don’t have to hide their own imperfections.
Reflecting on your impact, especially in the difficult moments, helps you become more mindful of how your child sees the world. By putting yourself in their shoes, you start to notice the subtle ways your actions influence how they feel about themselves and their relationship with you. It’s not just about being there physically, but about being emotionally present – showing them that they are seen, heard, and valued.
And this is what I want to help other dads with. You don’t have to make the same mistakes I did. The beauty of fatherhood is that it’s never too late to start reflecting, to start showing up more, and to take a more intentional approach. This is why I’m writing Be a Super Dad: Reflective Advice for Fatherhood. I want you to benefit from all the insights I’ve gathered, from my training, my experiences, and yes, from the mistakes I’ve made. You don’t need to go through the same trial-and-error process. Think of this as your shortcut.
I’ve worked with countless fathers, and what I’ve found is that most of us are striving for the same thing – to be the best dad we can be for our kids. But we often get lost along the way, unsure of how to balance work, life, and fatherhood. Many dads feel like they’re navigating uncharted territory without the right guidance. I’ve been there too. That’s why I’m passionate about sharing what I’ve learned, so you can be the kind of father your child needs, without getting stuck in the same mistakes.
Fatherhood is about prioritising your child’s emotional world, even when it’s inconvenient. That’s not to say you should ignore your own needs. Self-care is essential. But there’s a balance to be struck between taking care of yourself and putting your child’s needs first in those crucial moments. When you make the effort to be present, even when you’re tired or stressed, you’re teaching your child that they matter. You’re showing them that their feelings are important, and that’s a lesson that will stick with them for life.
And this is what I want you to take away from this blog, and ultimately from the book when it’s released. You don’t need to be perfect; you just need to be present, reflective, and willing to grow. That’s what makes a super dad. It’s not about knowing everything or doing everything perfectly – it’s about learning from your mistakes, showing up with intention, and continually striving to do better.
So, if you’ve been feeling lost, like you’re navigating fatherhood without a map, just know that you’re not alone. I’ve been there too, and I want to help guide you through it. This book is about sharing the lessons I’ve learned, the training I’ve received, and the mistakes I’ve made so you don’t have to make them yourself. It’s about giving you the tools and insights to be the best dad you can be, without having to figure it all out on your own.
The journey toward becoming the dad your child deserves starts now. Take the advice that resonates with you, put it into practice, and watch as your relationship with your child flourishes. You’ve got this, and I’m here to help you every step of the way.
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